Are you for real???

Everything was quiet, peaceful. It was the middle of the night. I could hear small snores from my baby sleeping next to me. And my husband sleeping at the other end of the bed was also off to the dreamland. I don't know what made me get up and go to the terrace. I had this sudden urge that I should go there and watch the landscape at night (i mean whatever was visible of the landscape in the dark). So silent, so still. It was beautiful. I almost jumped off the terrace when I heard a voice saying "It is so beautiful. Isn't it?"

I was so terrified and frozen to the spot. I could not and did not want to turn around and view the source of that voice. In a few milliseconds that passed I thought all my worst fears have come alive and I am having my encounter with the supernatural. Slowly a small part of my brain said that to escape inside the house and out of the terrace i will eventually have to turn around and face the demon anyway. So taking a deeeeeeep breath and squinting my eyes so that i wont have to see whatever monstrosity was standing behind me I turned. 

It was a complete shock and utter disbelief that made me laugh when i saw a handsome young man leaning against the door frame with his arms folded at chest. I was thinking "wow, Man he is a piece of work." And then I stopped laughing suddenly and thought oh no, he is too good looking to be true that means he must be super deadly creature (you know like vampires from all those fictions that I have read and seen in the movies). Without thinking much I told him "Look you can have my blood and kill me if you want but you are not going near my family. I am not inviting you into the house." He was silent for a moment and then he started laughing uproariously. So much that i was afraid he will wake up the entire society by his loud cackling. And I started getting angry too that he might be "super-whatever-natural" but that does not give him a right to laugh at my expense. "Shhhhhhhh.....You will wake up my baby son"
He stopped laughing with difficulty and said "Damn you are funny." I took the offensive and  shot back "I am not funny and WHO the hell or i should say more clearly WHAT the hell are you and WHAT are you doing here?"
He said "Youuuu.... don't know me?" 
I mocked him and said in a similar tone "No, I..... don't know you"
He said "We are one, you and me, so I came to meet you in person. You needed me, You are worried and feeling low. So I showed myself to you."
I said (when i could get my jaws working after being open in an 'O' shape for too long),"Are you for REAL? Are you crazy? how can you and me be one? We don't even lookalike? Plus the basic difference, you are a GUY as in MALE and I am a woman as in FEMALE?"
He replied in the most patronizing tone i have heard (of course after my dad, coz he has the moooo---ossst patronizing tone when required),
"YOU, a WOMAN, a FEMALE and me A MALE, does not make a difference. We are still one and the same. I am your conscience. And before you start rambling like a mad woman AGAIN I need to tell you to stop doubting yourself so much. You were always (well, most of the time) a good daughter, a good sister, a good wife, a good daughter-in-law, a good sister-in-law and believe me 'a good-whatever-relation-you-were-in'. And most importantly you are the best mother that your kids could have ever. So no matter what others say to you and blame you and not have enough faith in you, YOU should always believe in yourself. Come on....where is the most realistic and practical girl that you always were? So get your act together girl and get on."
I was so stunned by his speech, and he knew exactly why I was awake while everyone was off to the neverland. I had to believe in myself. I felt better already. 
But still i had a few questions for him. I said to him, "Okay, I will believe in myself. and Thank you for making me feel good about myself. But how come you are in shape of a guy while I am ..me. I mean why don't you look like me? Why a guy?"
He said, " It is simple,  I am YOUR conscience, I can take any shape. And today you were in need of self confidence. So what better than being appreciated by a member of the opposite sex. So there I took on the most handsomest form too boost your morale." 
I said, "Thank you really. But i still do have a question for you. Are you for REAL?"

What is the right time to go crazy??

I was 5 years old and my little brother was 2 years old. We wanted the same toy to play with. My mom said give the toy to him as he is soooooo little. Your little brother..I felt bad but alas! I gave the toy to my brother. So there goes....Everytime I wanted something i was asked to give it to my brother as he is my younger brother. I am not complaining, I love my brother. The whole point of letting you guys know this side of my life is to let you know where the trend began for me to be more sensible.

So as I was saying, there was always a time when I wanted to do something different or wanted to be somewhere else but I could not. Cause duty comes first. I have this terrible tendency to choose what is good for everyone instead of choosing what I want.

Let me enlighten you with an example of an episode that happened with me recently (I know you did not ask for it, still..). It was my birthday and all I wanted to do was to sit at home, eat nice Chinese junk food and peacefully watch some nice movie on TV. But what happened was, I had a lot of guests (mind you, these guests did not even know that it was my bday, they just showed up on my doorstep randomly on that day) and I "cooked" all the different dishes that "they" wanted to eat. And ended up doing what all the rest of my family members wanted except what I wanted. 

There are times when I feel "Chuck it man, why should I be the one to do as per what others want. why? why?" and then I answer myself, "Come on, you know if you do this now you will get all the others mad at you plus you will disrupt the entire schedule for them. So be a good girl and just forget it. Continue with what ever is going on. phewwwwwwww."

In short, everybody in my family goes crazy whenever they want. They never make much adjustment. And me being the guilt queen always end up adjusting. So anyway I realized if I continue this way I don't know "What is the right time to go crazy???"

Sunday, Dost, aur thodi si Chai...

Typical sunday morning. I wanted to sleep more but like an annoying alarm clock my kids wake me up. I rush around trying to do all the things at once. There is a lot of commotion around me. At an unearthly pace I finish all my chores and they still keep piling up. There is always something that needs to be done.

Anyway, you get the picture of my lovely sunday routine. However today I am waiting for Sunday 4:30 pm. I am in a good mood by 4:00 pm. I get dressed and as the clock strikes 4:30 pm I am out of my house like a bullet leaves the gun. Finally the time has come, my one hour away from the regular chaotic life.

I go over to my friend's flat. A few of us are gathered to celebrate our friendship, kind of a gals night (or an hour probably) out. A says "Arre did you know kalyani's sasubai slapped her?" B says "Arre that is nothing did you hear that Harsh is in a bad shape? Poor guy is still in coma.." C says "I knowwww, that kirti should be put in a jail..she is messing up koyal and harsh's life.." blah blah blah (You must have realized that we are not talking about real people but reel life people here from our beloved daily soaps). Suddenly D says "Arre guys please gimme a good bai's name yaar. Meri bai chutti bahut marti hai..I had to scrub floors for last 2 days.." E says "My bai is also no good. har do din baad koi na koi ghar pe bimar hai bolti hai and then she leaves early.." blah blah blah..(Unfortunately these are real "kaam waali bai-s" that we are talking about.)
P comes loaded with garama garam chai, coffee and biscuits. We all have a cuppa and keep on chatting and laughing. Amongst our gossips and "faltu gappa" along with a cuppa tea I begin to relax. Listening to my friends chatter, all the mundane, ordinary, daily life things. And somehow sharing these things with my friends makes it all easier to bear the regularity of life.

That is what i realized we dont need too high funda life to be happy. Happiness can be found in most simple and insignificant details of daily life. But of course life becomes more spicy and worth it with Sundays, Dost aur thodi si Chai........

To be or not to be!!!!

"To be or not to be" is the question quoted by Shakespeare ..... Now this is the exact same question I ask myself everyday.
I have a 3 years old daughter and now a 3 month old son. Since the day my son is born my life has taken a new dimension. I don't feel anything, no pain, no fear, no tears. It is like becoming a queen of zombies in the Zombieland. Anyway, sometimes it feels great to be a mother of 2 and sometimes it is just too much, like GOD why did i do it?
Some days back i had a bad day to the bone. My first minion got up early in the morning when my second tiny minion had just slept. So i had to take care of her. Thus began my day with the usual routine of making my 3 yr old brush her teeth, take her bath, drink her milk and finalllllllllly go to school. When i write this down it seems "what's the big deal??" so i had to do some things for my daughter. But what people don't get is how much of my blood vaporizes by the time i get all those tasks done. Phewwwww.. And the moment i pack my daughter into her school van and release a tiny breath my son is awake in all his glory and demanding my attention at the top of his voice. So i go to take care of him, feed him, change his nappy pad, rock him and finallllllllly put him to sleep. And as i lay him down he wakes up screaming again. So i perform all the above steps again and again and again till the time has come to get my daughter back from school....
You can imagine very well how my whole day went by. All of this brings me back to my question "to be or not to be???(a mom)"
I got my answer a few days back (actually the answer toggles between "yes" and "no" constantly..)
My daughter sometimes says she loves me and calls me her "goduli mamma". And my son just gurgles and smiles and tries to laugh when he looks up into my face.
At that moment it is crystal clear why i became a mom in the first place. As they say every dark cloud has a silver lining, I live for these small significant moments with my kids and decide the answer is always "to be"........

Green Light!!!

I always cant get much sleep in the night. Some people say that most weird things can happen when you are awake at abnormal hours. Scientifically, when we defy the norm we end up either becoming abnormal or experiencing something that cant be defined as normal.

Why am i writing about such things you will ask? So let me tell you.

A few days back, I was (as usual) awake in the night. You might call it late night, it was almost 1:30 pm. I was looking out of my bedroom window, and i could see the "tekdi" (hill) illuminated with a light green glow in one corner. I was not sure whether i was imagining things or seeing correctly but i could definitely see something. Anyway, i rubbed my eyes and went back to sleep muttering that i am going crazy.

Next day, some how i got up again at the same hour, and was pulled to the window by some invisible force (if at all you want to believe in the drama of the situation :)). And i saw the same thing in one corner of the "tekdi" a small light green glow. Now i was really interested to find out what it is. And why do i see it every night. But given my condition and of course my common sense i decided not to go looking for that light at that time of night.

I followed the similar pattern for almost a week. Every night i used to wake up to watch that glow. On the ninth night, i saw that glow moving from one side of the hill to the other.

And on the tenth night i actually saw the light moving up towards the sky. And then i never saw it again.

I know i never got to the bottom of what that light was. And come to think of it i also cannot believe something that weird did happen.

But the truth is guys that it happened, i did see the light and now i don't anymore.

There might be so many explanations about what i saw but i don't want to get into any details. And just save this memory as an interesting experience.

Yin for Yang, Ainnng???

Devil wears Prada might be true but my devil is Indian, so the devil wears "tulsibaag" cheap accessories to highest paid diamond accessories. Sometimes the devil is in flowery patterns which does not suit the devil or the devil's age at all. And sometimes the devil wears bright flashy clothes which makes me blind when i look at the devil.

Okay, now you guys know "who" i mean by "devil"... Well nonetheless, i don't have enough words to talk about my devil. But somehow as we know every yin has a yang, if i am yin she is yang (purely in official terrms, mind you). If i say "yes", yang says "no". If i say "displays" she says "opens"and so on..... Our love saga, is endless and beyond time.
Just the other day, i came to my work place and decided, today no matter what i am gonna go home on time and not stay back at all.
But then yang came along and broke my crown and pushed me tumbling after....These days i assume that if i want something it is not going to happen at all. In a way yang has made me realize what i DONT want to be in the future...Please GOD let me never be in charge of a team or lead a group of juniors, as i know i might turn into a devil and become somebody else's (eternally cursed) yang....

Its Never-Never Land!

I left house to go to office in the morning. It was a usual 15 km ride in the auto. I was listening to "how to save a life" by "the fray" on my cell. I reached Adlabs square and the signal was red. I am listening to music oblivious of the activity around me and suddenly out of the blue I see a small 5 year old boy shirtless wearing only one pair of a rag of shorts and nothing else coming towards me with another boy, a toddler clinging to him with no clothes on at all. It is 37 degrees heat. Hot and merciless sun beating down on them. But the thing that shocked and moved me was their vacant dull almost dead eyes. These are the kids who have no privileges at all and here i am (Grateful to GOD) blessed with a decent life.

I could not tolerate the lifelessness of these kids. So i got down from the rick. And stood their looking for those kids. They were, of course, begging. And giving them money would have been a crime coz it wont be used for them but just taken away from them by elders(who in my opinion are worse than pimps!). I saw 5 to 6 kids out of which 2 were toddlers standing in the chowk and waiting to go for begging again...

I herded all those kids to one side of the road and fortunately had a dabba with some sandwiches in it. I made them eat the sandwiches and had to feed the toddlers myself. Once done I left them and ironically they started begging again but i could at least see some spark in their eyes(yes i know you will say "it may have been my imagination" ).

While i was walking a short distance to the office i was waiting for euphoria to hit me in the face coz i had done a good deed. But sadly nothing happened. And i was feeling more depressed than before. I could not get this unsettling feeling out of me. I realized there is so much pain in this world that one small measly good deed is not gonna make me feel good.

In-fact, wishing for ACHIEVING happiness over minuscule good deeds that you do is like wishing to find "Never-Never Land"!